i'm going to UNLV. just to keep my parents worry free. so that i could have my car for a few years.. and yeah. after i get my required credits, i'm heading to chicago or somewhere in california. i'm taking advantage of everything there is to offer. almost completely paid for tuition for a few years, western undergrad exchange, scholarships, and family in other places.. i'm majoring in journalism. i'm taking communications at UNLV to fulfill credit.. gonna buy planners.. going on a campus tour.. make the rest of this year completely worth it. straight As.. i promise EVERYONE IN THE WORLD. every homework turned in, every extra credit turned in, school comes first. it's something that has been for the longest time, but wasn't for the last two years. i'm prone to slacking, and it's just not a good thing. i've gotta step up now.. even though i've said it so many times before, this time i feel that i'm living up to it all.

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it sucks. i hate how the kids there call you neverending names, how they cuss you out, how they flip you off when they get pissed off at you, and how they're all six years old and younger. freaking parents really don't know how to raise their kids. i always thought that if i swore i'd get captured by the cops or something.

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yesss, back to nutang. this is probably the only place that i can blog in where i don't have to worry about people i know reading it all. and i like it. its a great great thing.
so, today. i woke up to "WAKE UP LEAH NOW!!" ahhh, my sister and mother at it all the time. and my sister doesn't take her seriously at all. oh man, if i was ever caught talking back to my parents, i'd like be disowned. but yeah.
six hours and some minutes later, i have a CAR! :D yesss. i gots wheels. yeah. yeah. six hours at findlay toyota/scion. thanks to mr. mo. hehe. it's not the newest car, or the prettiest one, but at least i have one! :D but, alas, i can't drive it by myself until like december. cuz i turn 18 then, and i dun need that stupid log crap. it's okay, just two months. yay.
so, yesterday was a day full of wrongs. and i don't forgive my dad for it. i come home from school, my dad tells my sister to get the mail, there's my unsat from school. "leah, why are you failing two classes?" so yeah, i said directly, "because i work, i get tired, i have no time because i fall asleep." and then he goes on saying how he said distinctly "i already told you a long time ago, that if you couldn't handle working all the time, don't work, just quit." so yeah, the natural instinct of me talking back to my parents happened. "i only worked because i was giving you money. i was trying to help you guys out." so apparently, i got this from a lecture that happened later, he gets hurt from my retort. furious, he comes back and yells at me, telling me that i have a lot of nerve saying that. and some how he got from what i said, that i wasn't being spent on. as in, they never bought me anything. what the fuck? i didn't want them to buy anything. if anything, i wanted them to save their money. i only ask for things if i really need them, and usually i pay for those kinds of things myself. so yeah, while my dad came back quickly, it seemed as if he was going to do that whole thing where he hits me upside the head like he always did when he got pissed off, so i flinched, cuz it was a habit. and yeah, he didn't do it. so he kept yelling at me, and i tried at the utmost expense holding in tears and just not saying anything else. blah blah blah.. he kept going on about how he did everything for us kids and we had no right talking to him like that. fuck that. he left, and i went into my closet and sat there crying. about ten minutes later, he comes out of the garage and sees that i'm not in my room, goes to the closet and tells me to get out. and then he has this whole lecture about how i shouldn't have said that cuz it "hurt his feelings" and if the consequences of something will lead me to get my feelings hurt, i shouldn't even do it.
first of all, my feelings did not get hurt because he fucking got his "feelings" hurt. i was emotional like that because i work. i give him all my money so that he could pay for all the luxuries my family has. i give up so much for my parents. i give up so much for my family. i don't want anyone to buy me anything. i pay for things myself. i have homework that'll last me till the day that i die. i have key club things to do that i will never get to. i am stressed out to the wahzoo. i give my money away like i don't need it, when i actually should use it to buy food cuz i rarely eat anymore. i pay for things for my brother who make fucking $2200 a month. that's like $1800 more than what i make a month. i put up with my sister talking back to my mom and dad and not having any consequence for it. i'm not spoiled. i'm not rich. i'm not spent on. i give things away. i put everyone else before myself. and even though i do ALL OF THAT, i am never praised for it. my parents aren't proud. they're NEVER proud. they don't know how to show that kind of emotion. at least they don't know how towards me. i am the best person. i'm the nicest. i have the most clean-slate. i don't smoke. i only drink if it's offered.. and that's like never. i don't do drugs. sex is not an option. sure, i have a problem cleaning my room. i can get straight As if was motivated. but the thing is, my only motivation before was my parents approval and praise. now, there's anything but that. i'm not a laudable person, i suppose.

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